Treat yourself and chase your dreams
Today, a fairly hefty coffee roaster is going to be arriving at our apartment. It's expensive (for me at least), it's in my opinion, kind of ugly, and it's vastly overkill for the need to satisfy freshly-roasted coffee at home for two people. That's not the point. The point is, is that almost all my adult life I've been fairly obsessed with the idea and the practice of coffee roasting, and it is time to pursue a small goal/dream that I've been nurturing for far too long.
I want to sell coffee and I want to build something that takes time and isn't easy.
To be honest, I'm not sure even who I want to sell it to. Friends here in Berlin? Seems like a logical first step. Family? They're a bit further abroad than makes sense to ship to, so that leaves... unknown people here in Berlin? Crikey, a big jump! One step at a time, Marc.
I've been infatuated with the process of browning beans since around 2012. I actually hardly remember what kicked it off, but we started really getting into coffee in university, so I think shortly after I graduated I realised I could throw beans in a popcorn machine and then drink the results. Truly a magical process and one that captured me ever since.
But this is not really about roasting coffee, or selling coffee, this is about treating yourself and chasing your dreams.
The last few years have really been dedicated to understanding my financial position. I'm 35, almost 36 and while we have no kids, no dependencies, trying to prepare financially for the future is something that takes dedication and you begin to look at your budget and think, "hmm, was that dinner out worth it when 80€ could've been pushed into stonks for the future?". So, then throw a 2.3k€ coffee roaster into the mix and my tummy starts to feel really queasy.
Lately, however, I've been also thinking a lot about what I want from life. 35 crept up pretty dang quickly and my long-time dream of starting my own small business to sell coffee has just hung in the balance, untouched by me because of what? Fear that it'll be the wrong choice? What even is a wrong choice? I think what's become my overriding motive is that aligning myself with others and their path is leaving me wanting for something more, so it felt like time to do something about it. I'm tired of questioning if I should take a risk, so I said to myself, "just do it".
I splurged on the roaster. I "ummed" and "ahhhed" for a long time. Maybe I get another smaller one, more suited for home? Maybe I wait until I have a dedicated space I can roast in that will justify getting an even bigger one? Maybe I keep chugging along on my existing small roaster now even though I've said multiple times it's too small to do what I want? But what convinced me was getting something that essentially forces me down this path I want to pursue. I went and treated myself because it's giving me space to try chasing a dream I have.
It's going to be delivered soon. It's humungous. It'll be a big giant crate that somehow needs to sit in the house until I figure out what the heck I'm meant to do with it. Sofia, I'm very sorry in advance.
Will this be too much? Maybe. Will I even sell one gram of coffee? Maybe not. It's worth a try. I want to build something, I want to dedicate my time, time that isn't endless, time that is feeling more and more elusive, to something I've wanted for a long time. Money doesn't matter as much as I think, and I've built a foundation to be able to take risks. Maybe it sounds like I'm being frivolous, but perhaps the timing is just right and I've been building to this for a long time, but if I don't do it now, then I'll chicken out and regret it forever more. Maybe it's just a coffee roaster and not that big of a deal.
Whatever it is, I'm excited. I'm happy I treated myself in a big way, and maybe this is the start of something bigger. It seems better get on that trail and start climbing, than to stare at it longingly from the base of the mountain.
Here's a photo the vendor, Kaleido, sent me before it left their warehouse in China. My dreams weigh 44 kilograms:
