Second update on no booze 2026
Things are going well. Strangely well, if I'm being honest. No alcohol is seeming more and more like a cheat code every day, and I am so egotistical I feel like I'm the only one who knows about it, which is obviously not true, but let me explain.
I've been to a dark side of alcohol consumption and always thought it gave me an edge here and there. A bit funnier here, a bit more personable there, but man, this insidious liquid really takes from you without you even realising what you've lost.
Before I go on, this might sound like I'm turning into a straight-edge/tell-you-what-to-do-with-your-life (that's me on beers)/my way is right type of asshole, but I'm really trying to not be. It's just my reflection on what has happened to me. So what has happened?
Fitness
I am easily the most fit I've ever been. I'm climbing way harder than I remember in years, at least not since my early days in Berlin where I was somehow drinking beers endlessly and climbing really strong, but I didn't have a job so climbing 20 hours a week will probably do that.
Back in April I did my first half marathon and absolutely smashed it for my first half ever, and considering it was pissing down rain the entire time and I was freezing: 1:49:44! I was staggered how strong and fast I felt. I just kept going and despite having never run more than 18.5km before, I felt so determined and committed in a way that isn't unfamiliar to me, but with an element of ownership and control that is hard to explain. It felt like I had committed to this thing to do and that the doing of this thing is completely my own and because of that, I wanted to give it everything. I wanted to show my body what it can do when there's no barriers.
We also had a company run this past Wednesday and I did my fastest 5km ever! I felt like shit going into it, with no running for the two weeks prior given that my bunions are flaring up real good, however, somehow it translated into an awesome performance that I'm really proud of.
My heart rate has also dropped pretty significantly, which is just an interesting tidbit overall. You can see it went down after about four to six weeks in. Am I calmer? Am I just putting less stress on my heart because it can operate properly? Supposedly it's because my heart doesn't need to compensate for the toxic effects and dehydration brought on by drinking. Also, drinking seems to stop your heart from being able to drop to lower bpms , so I guess I just never gave my poor ticker a chance.
Interestingly my VO₂max has gone down, but again, I've hardly been running so it's no big surprise from my side.
I've also been a real gym-rat after climbing: lots of deadlifting, lots of squats, benching, the usual, and have hit a deadlift of 100kg! Pretty dang snazzy. Something about it and the ability to actually recover after proper sleep is really welcome and I definitely neglected this before; just assuming that my body would recover without quality sleep. Stupid.
Mental-state
I am... stable... I think. There's no crutch to fall on when you're feeling a bit out of it, or needing to escape. The thing is, I really don't want to escape how I feel, which is a bit surprising to me after so many years of casting myself into the wind and saying "fuck it" to whatever came next, regrets or not. I have more moments of happiness now, more moments of peace where I just face the sun and can breathe really deep, but there's also just overall being 36 and not being quite sure what to do that I was hoping would become more apparent by now. I guess that will need more time.
Friends and socialising
One thing that was a worry was how to socialise without alcohol... my ice-cream consumption is through the roof. Turns out it's a wonderful way to connect with people and thankfully there's many Eis-dealers here in Berlin (go check out "Jones" by Mauerpark) that make this a nice way to do something with others that isn't drinking at the pub.
We went to the May 1st celebrations and not once did I feel like drinking. I was worried I would, but as we were in a cab to the meeting spot, I saw one fella at Kottbusser Tor: camouflage cargo shorts, big beer gut, backpack filled with beers, and absolutely slurping down a cigarette, and I thought to myself: holy shit I don't want to be like you. Thanks, dude, for keeping me on the wagon and good luck in your future endeavours.
What's next?
Just keep going. I'm really amazed by this unlock and by having it reveal a lot more of what I'm capable of. I'm a bit bummed it took so long to realise it and sometimes I feel sad of what I took away from myself, but at the same time, it got me to where I am today and in that deterministic respect; things had to go the way they did, in order to be the way they are. I'll come to accept this with time.
A friend asked me yesterday how it'll be when I go back to drinking. I was confident to say that I would. There's still a lot more to discover and I don't want to place expectations on an outcome that can mire the present and what it holds.
It's day 142.
